1. Do not attempt to retain a social life. This advice is gold and if you're like me, it won't be too hard either. There's no point trying to balance five things at once when clearly you are only capable of doing one thing at a time. Quit every single sporting activity you currently do. Get rid of any friends you have clinging to you. Family is the exception but try to get rid of as many of them as you can too. Oh, do you play an instrument? Quit it. Now. You want to have fun? Now's not the time.
2. Procrastinate as much as humanely possible. This is a hard one to master but once you get the hang of it, you'll find yourself performing this task subconsciously. Procrastination has been scientifically proven to improve your intellect and can boost your marks in a matter of weeks. Just watch those rankings fly up! Make sure to start working on assignments two days before they are due. Three days is excessive and one day is extreme. Don't be an extremist.
3. Eat copious amounts of food to cope with stress. This is an obvious one and if you haven't already starting using this technique, you're going to fall behind! Winter is fast approaching (if you're in Australia) and fattening up and preparing for hibernation is essential. Fast food, lollies, chips and soft drinks are particularly effective in increasing those cholesterol levels that will lift your academic abilities. Healthy food- no one has time for that junk! (that was a pun btw)
P.S. If you haven't already realised, this post is not intended to help you in any way. In fact, you should disregard everything you just read for your own health and safety. Do try and retain your social life, avoid procrastination and eat healthily. I was only kidding (:
Also, here is an irrelevant picture that I found on the internet because I feel like there's an unstated blogging rule that says one must include an image in a blog post.
|story of my life|